shewee

Remember my ladies from about a month ago?

They rock.

So yesterday, I got a package in the mail. From Donna.

At first, I couldn't figure out who Donna was. I don't know anyone from Pennsylvania. And then it dawned on me. My ladies!

But what could she possibly be sending me?!?

Well, you see, Sandra, our french girl was on our ride one day and she didn't speak much English when she got here. So I decided that we would start helping her that day, instead of letting her sit idly by.

Except that our topic of conversation was, well, um, interesting.

And it became our inside joke for the rest of the week.

And Donna sent one to me with the note:

I hope you can still use a SHEWEE, if for no other reason it makes a good conversation piece!

Check it out! www.shewee.com

cowgirls don't cry

For you country music fans, you know that George Strait has a song called "Cowgirls Don't Cry". Well, it's the truth!

Urska went for a ride with Dizzy this afternoon.

Urska is our housekeeper. She is NOT a wrangler. She has been learning to ride while she's here.

She was on Montee. He's a big mammajamma.

He's Clydesdale/Quarterhorse cross.

I was trying to show you how tall he is, but he wouldn’t stand still. Let’s put it this way, I can barely see over his back.

Anyhow, I'm just doing my business, when I hear hooves pounding at a full gallop (sprint, in human language). I hear it, I hear it, I hear it....finally, I see Montee come around the trees.

With his saddle hanging sideways.

With his bridle still on.

Without Urska.

Now, I love Dizzy and I trust him fully, so, I took care of Montee first. Caught him, had Dave help me get the saddle loosened and off, and put him back in the paddock.

Then we went looking for Urska.

We found her walking back with Dizzy, thankfully.

She said she was fine, but it turns out Montee stepped on her when he ran off.

Notice the shape of her calf...not quite right. The bruising hasn't started showing yet.

But Urska is a cowgirl. (I was once told a cowboy isn’t made by the clothes, but by his heart.)

She got back on. Ok, well she got back on Oreo, but she got back on.

Bareback.

And she proceeded to slide off at a trot.

And again at a lope.

For a grand total of 3 times, she fell off today…And she got back on every single time.

I told you…cowgirls DON’T cry!

rehearsal

I'm jumping all around. I finally got my pictures burned to CDs and some pictures cleared off of my computer, but now my camera is CLEAR down at the barn. And it's storming.

So, I'm going back to Jessica's wedding. Maybe we'll be finished with it by the time summer's over!

Ok, so on Friday, July 10, we had the rehearsal.

It was pretty much the fastest rehearsal. Ever. Joy, the wedding coordinator, even said so.

I only have pictures of the boys, because, well, I was on the girls' side. And following directions is what made rehearsal go quickly, right?

That's Ryan - the groom, Chad - the best man, Mike - groomsman, and Daniel - groomsman.

Mrs. Winkles said her thang, as Mr. Jones practiced giving Jessica away.

Ryan and Jessica practiced their part.

Mrs. Winkles looking serious. Although it's kind of hard to take her seriously with her hat all wonky. I mean, look at Ryan's face!

(No need for name-calling, Mrs. Winkles. I can already hear you from here! And such language!)

We hung out inside the house for a while, where Mr. Jones finished some big business. Ok, I don't really know, but just look at the man! He's like all South Florida or something!

He knows I love him...right, Mr. Jones? Mr. Jones?

Man, I'm making enemies all OVER the place!

Mrs. Winkles hangs out with her signature Tervis Tumbler. Don't mention her sweet, sweet shoes...she's a little sensitive about them. (See item above about making enemies...)

And Harley, Janet's step-daughter, shows how well she matches the flowers out front.

There you have it. The rehearsal. At some point, we'll see the rehearsal dinner!

computer memory

I've got so many pictures and stories to share with you!

But my computer says it's full.

I've started burning the pictures to CDs, but I need to check they're all there, before I start deleting. Once I do that, I can start blogging again!

See? I never had this problem when I never remembered to take pictures!

Hang in there! I'll be back!

the truth

I love living in Colorado. Especially in the summer. And I love being a cowgirl...anytime of the year. But being a cowgirl is not the same as being a city girl!

I used to wear make-up and do my hair daily.

I even did the modeling gig.

And won a contest to boot!

But let's face it. Right now, those days are OVER.

I wear make-up once a week, if I'm lucky. Let's say twice a month, so that I don't lead you astray. And I don't do my hair.

Sometimes I even sleep on it wet, like I did last night.

But it doesn't really matter, because I wear a cowboy hat every day.

And this is what I look like at the end of the day....

Here, I think I was still a little embarrassed. Ok, so maybe this is when I first got here and was incredibly worn down by the elevation, hard work, and long days. I look like crap...cut me some slack!

I started to accept it.

Then I embraced it!

And I even got some nice lighting on the bad hair!

The point is: vanity has fallen by the wayside.

And I don't really care.

In fact, I LOVE it!

PS - Sometimes, my hands look like this:

God I love being a cowgirl!!!!

ouch!

I love horses.

I really do.

But they can be dangerous. My mother ALWAYS reminds me of this.

And wranglers have fallen off. Ahem, myself included, if you count the pony as a horse.

People have been bitten.

And people have been stomped on.

As of today, I include myself in this group of people.

Tiny, who Wrangler Sarah, so aptly calls "Meanie," wouldn't take his bit this morning.

Let me tell you a little about Tiny first. He doesn't like women. He tries to bite. If he can't bite, he'll try to kick. When you ride him, he's a dream.

I really haven't had any problems with him before. He doesn't try to bite at me too often. And he usually takes the bit relatively easily.

So back to today. He wasn't taking his bit, so I was sticking my thumb in his mouth to tickle his tongue. But he still refused.

Duff, my old buddy ole pal, told me about this little trick if the tongue thing doesn't work. Apparently, you push their lip against their tooth. But that seems like it would hurt, so I haven't used it.

Until today.

On Tiny.

He didn't like it.

He let me know it. By stomping, lifting, and setting back down with weight.

Notice bones in the left foot. Can't see them in the right.

This picture is blurry and I don't know what I did to make it look like the 70s, but you can see how the color progressed during the day.

Unfortunately, you can't see how bad it really is in the pictures, but you get the idea.

Ah, just another lesson in Karma.

bachelorette - tasks

Alright, so we left off at the first bar. We got to the next bar, which was HOPPIN!

When we got out of the limo, Janet handed us little "task" cards.

Now there were little tasks.

Like, "Get a picture of a guy giving the bride a dollar."

Done and done.

Then there were some harder ones.

Like, "Get a picture of a guy's naked butt."

Done and done.

Someone bought shots that were on the list.

Had to get some guy's girlfriend's number. Thanks, Bobbi!

Miss Leeann (not to be confused with LeAndra) shows us how to walk down the aisle with a bouquet of boas.

And you'd never believe how hard it is to find a guy with a condom! Are these boys not protecting themselves? And their girls, too???? Oh help me!

Palm readings that said, "I foresee you buying the bride a drink."

But, uh, some guys have really jealous girlfriends. Look at the WORRY on this guy's face!

Get a man to twirl you, but I think they meant on the floor! Poor Jessica's Mom!

It's a good thing Mrs. Winkles told her to "Peter Pan up!"

This is Mrs. Jones telling the story of Mrs. Winkles telling her that.

And can I just tell you...Mrs. Jones DID Peter Pan up!

Look at how hard she's laughing!

The second best part of the night was...

We got the cop to put her in handcuffs. I promised him, I wouldn't get his face or his badge in the picture, so as not to get him in trouble.

But THE best part?

I got a $100 bill from some guy.

Yep, that's right.

I asked him for a business card because we were supposed to get 5 business cards from guys. He didn't have one.

We were on our way out of that bar and on to the next place, when he came up, tapped me on the shoulder, and said, "I don't have a business card, but will this work?"

I argued with him a bit, but I finally gave in because I think I was hurting his feelings.

So, thank you to Jason in Jacksonville for the Purple Hooter shots!

This isn't him, it's just the bartender at the next place.

We would just like to say...CHEERS!

bachelorette

Alright, forget timetables. I'm just going to jump around however it makes me happy.

We're going back to Jessica's Bachelorette party, which was last Wednesday when I got into town.

And it's going to have to come in parts because, well, way too much happened in one night for just one post!

Anne and Janet, the other bridesmaid and matron of honor, threw this thing together and it was a party to be reckoned with! I mean to tell you, these girls went ALL out!

First of all, we were told to wear our "little black dresses," which is why everyone matches.

Then we all met up at Maggiano's for supper.

We were asked to bring a nice gift that Jessica would open at the restaurant.

Such as these nice smelly soaps and lotions.

Or a chalice with her new last initial on it. Ok, so maybe it's a martini glass, but we liked to think it was a chalice.

Her mother, however, didn't realize how "nice" all of our presents were going to be.

And got her lingerie. Which she had to open in the restaurant. With the old guys, at the next table over, staring. I think they approved.

After supper, we all went outside where the girls (Anne and Janet) passed out feather boas to everyone.

Once we were in the limo (yes, the girls got a limo!), it was time for the naughty gifts!

I don't feel right showing too many pictures of her naughty gifts, because, well, some of them were really naughty! But here are a couple.

This is a picture of Jessica "reading" her new, um, book.

And that's Mrs. Winkles with Jessica. Mrs. Winkles is the person who married them on Saturday.

This is the group of us, in front of the limo, on our way into our first bar. Which was already closed on a Wednesday night.

I'm going to have to leave off there because once we made it into a bar, it was a whole other story!

Stay tuned!

goats

Ok, so I was going to work backwards, but things happen so quickly around here, that I had to change order. And if you think you already know this story, scroll down so you can get the update!

We are jumping back to Friday, July 3rd.

Doodle-oo, doodle-oo, doodle-oo. (That's what Wayne's World fingers, wavy screen thing, to go back in time.)

So, I had Friday off. I was getting ready to take a few days to visit my fam in Eastern Colorado and make the trek home to Florida. I was getting everything in order, which included a phone call to my roommate in Jax.

I was away from my room and on the phone with her 30 minutes, tops.

Then I came back, did some stuff, left for the Potbelly thinking that Friday night before the 4th would be hoppin'! Sadly we were wrong, but had a good time anyhow, getting home around 12:30.

Roo was already asleep so I didn't turn on the light when I got in. I just used the glow of my extraordinarily bright clock. I crawled into bed, exhausted.

As I was laying there, I noticed something smelled really bad. And I was thinking, "Aw, man! Did Irie get in here?" Irie is Wrangler Sarah's dog, who inevitably rolls in manure, goes swimming, and lays on any bed she can find.

Then, I remembered Ellen telling me that Selene had gotten into the girls dorm. A bad habit learned from Duff who allowed her into the boys dorm during a rainstorm.

Remember Selene? She's undeniably cute, but still annoying.

I thought, "Ugh! Maybe Selene was rained on and came in here and laid on my bed," because she'll often be found in the tack room laying on top of the pile of horse blankets.

Anyhow, as I laid there longer, I realized it smelled like urine. Yup, pee. Piss. Whatever disgusting word you want to use for it.

Remember I mentioned I was exhausted?

I just pushed the smelly pillow to the back, grabbed the other one, pushed my comforter over to the side, and skooched over to the non-smelly side of the bed and slept. Unpeacefully. I kept dreaming about asking people if they saw the dog or the goat in here.

In the morning, I woke up, pulled the covers back and sure enough! There was a big yellow stain right where my shoulders would have been!

As I started tearing my bed apart layer by layer, I found out Selene did most of her work on my down comforter and pillow. I had to get my comforter dry cleaned while I was gone and I just threw the pillow away because it had soaked through the pillow case, pillow cover, and pillow.

Now, my plan was to make a sign that said, "No goats allowed! Goats wet the bed!"

Until last night.

I heard Dan come running down the stairs screaming like a madman, but since I didn't hear anything else, I fell back to sleep immediately.

This morning, Selene was missing.

Dan was trying to scare the bear away.

But not soon enough.

Selene was missing this morning.

I felt awful.

The last thing I said to her last night was, "We're still not friends. You wet my bed!"

*Sigh*

But guess what!

They found her this evening!

She was a little worse for the wear, but she's still alive!

And we made friends again.

But she's still a bedwetter.